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Learning to speak your partner’s love language

March 30, 2015

A great idea…

In her book, Not “Just Friends,” Shirley P. Glass says, “Most people give what they wish to receive, rather than what the other person really desires. All this time, you may have been giving not what your partner wants, but what you want” (pp. 168-169).

 In other words…

We are each very good at knowing how we want to be loved, and when we want to show love to our partners, we do for our partners what we would like to have done for us. This can be a problem though when what communicates love to us, doesn’t speak in the same way to our partners. We, as well as our partners, can become frustrated if we are speaking different love languages. If we take the time to see what communicates love to our partners, it can greatly improve our relationship.

How can you apply this…

Take time today to learn your partner’s love language. Do they melt with your words of affirmation? Do they beam when you choose to spend time with them? Do they treasure the gifts you give them? Do they appreciate when you lend a hand? Or do they just want to snuggle up next to you?

If you are not sure what your partner’s love language is, notice what they do to try and communicate love to you (even if it’s not your preferred way of receiving love). Ask them what you have done in the past that made them feel loved. Take one of these things and try to work them into your routine. It might feel awkward at first but will become more natural with practice.

 To Find Out More…

about couple relationships, check out our FREE resources: The Marriage Garden or the Getting Our Hearts Right programs at uaex.edu/marriage, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also like to read The Five Love Languages  book.

March 25, 2015

Live the power of 10-Wealth

March 25, 2015

Live the power of 10-Health

Live the power of 10

March 25, 2015

Here’s an idea….
Use the number “10” to help reach your health and wealth goals.

In other words…
Calorie counting and spending plans can seem like a jumble of numbers. Streamline the process by using multiples of 10. It’s easy to multiply, divide and remember. Break goals down into increments of 10.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…
The Power of 10 for Health:

  • Exercise an additional 10 minutes per day.
  • Set an initial weight-loss goal of 10% of body weight.
  • Walk 10,000 steps a day.

The Power of 10 for Wealth:

  • Save an extra $10 a week. That’s $1 a day plus pocket change.
  • Pay yourself first by saving 10% of your gross income each paycheck.
  • Look for ways to cut expenses by $10 per month.
  • Set financial goals for 10 years in the future.

When it comes to health and wealth goals, you can win with 10! Put the power of 10 to work for you.

To Find Out More…
go to www.uaex.edu  and click on the “Health & Living” tab.

about personal well-being, check out our free programs: Your Blueprint for Happiness, Getting Our Hearts Right, or Managing Stress programs at uaex.edu/self, like us at facebook.com/navigatinglife or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also enjoy reading Authentic Happiness.

Shedding the burdens of resentment

March 23, 2015

A Great Idea …

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Your Marriage Work, John Gottman says, “For a marriage to go forward happily, you need to pardon each other and give up past resentments. This can be hard to do, but it is well worth it. When you forgive your spouse, you both benefit. Bitterness is a heavy burden” (p. 153). 

In Other Words…

Resentment is a heavy burden. Why carry it? Maybe our complaints against our partners make us feel justified. But damage to the relationship is a terrible price to pay for a little self-justification. When we gladly accept that we’re all human and willingly grant forgiveness, we set ourselves free to enjoy being together.

How This Applies to You…

In order for your relationship to flourish, you must let go of past offenses and pain. Dwelling on pain increases it! In contrast, when you remember the positive things about your partner, you open the door to loving connection. Think about the reasons you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Think of great times you have had together. Allow forgiveness to remove or soften the pains and disappointments.

To Find Out More…

about couple relationships, check out our FREE resources: The Marriage Garden or the Getting Our Hearts Right programs at uaex.edu/marriage, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also like to read the book The Seven Principles for Making Your Marriage Work.

Preventing the wicked stepparent syndrome

March 20, 2015

Here’s a great idea…

In his book, You and Your Adolescent, Laurence Steinburg says, “Couples often enter into second marriages with unrealistic expectations, only to crash against postmarital realities. The children make it abundantly clear that they did not promise to love, honor, and obey their parent’s new spouse. The wife may begin to feel more like Cinderella’s wicked stepmother; the husband wonders if his adolescent stepson is auditioning to play Hamlet” (pp. 60-61).

In other words…

Entering into a second marriage with children can be quite rocky no matter how in love the couple is. In the beginning, our children may have sharp tongues and bad attitudes. They may feel that they have already lost one parent (the one they no longer live with), and they may fear losing their other parent to a new spouse. They may also resent having another authority figure thrust upon them. We can be patient as we begin building a trusting relationship with them. It is okay for them to not love us immediately, and it is okay for us not to love our stepchildren immediately. Everyone needs time to adjust to the new family.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…

In building a relationship of trust with your stepchild, do not try to replace or compete with the natural parent. Don’t pretend or force closeness. Let the child warm up to you by finding common interests and sharing them together. When it comes to resolving differences or dealing with misbehavior, remember that having emotional rapport with the child is a prerequisite to authority. Defer to the natural parent and their house rules. “Jenny, you know your mother expects you to put your clothes in the hamper after your shower.” versus “Look at this bathroom, it’s a disaster. I don’t care what your mom says, you will pick up after yourself!”

To find out more…

about parenting, check out Getting Our Hearts Right: Three Keys to Better Relationships, The Parenting Journey or See the World Through My Eyes programs at uaex.edu/parents, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife or contact your local county Extension agent. You can also read You and Your Adolescent.

The first step is the hardest

March 18, 2015

Here’s an idea….

 Everything is difficult at first. Chinese Proverb

In other words…

Whether it be learning a new language, making and keeping a budget, or beginning an exercise program, anytime you start something new, it will be hard at first. Things that are worth doing are often challenging at first, but, the “first” time you do something is a one-time event. After that, it gets easier.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…

Think back to many of the things you have accomplished in life that were difficult at first—tying your shoes, writing in cursive, driving a car. Many of these activities or skills that were so difficult when learning are now just second nature. Whatever your new goal or activity is, remember you are learning something new and you shouldn’t be an expert at it in the beginning. Just like tying your shoes took practice and persistence, your new goal will too.

 To Find Out More…

go to www.uaex.edu  and click on the “Health & Living” tab.

about personal well-being, check out our free programs: Your Blueprint for Happiness, Getting Our Hearts Right, or Managing Stress programs at uaex.edu/self, like us at facebook.com/navigatinglife or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also enjoy reading Authentic Happiness.

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