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Walking in their world

April 27, 2015

A great idea…

In their book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, Patricia Love and Steven Stosny say, “Any attempt to talk about [a problem] while you [and your partner] are disconnected will make it worse. The trick to achieving the kind of connection you want is to develop the advanced relationship skill of binocular vision, the artful ability to see your partner’s perspective as well as your own” (p. 124).

In other words…

Most of us fight poorly. We push harder and argue louder for our own positions. We all know the results: we and our partners end up angry and disconnected.

There is a better way. At the first hint of a disagreement, we can step out of our own positions and walk around in our partners’ worlds. We can work to understand their points-of-view. When we do, we get better ideas for solutions because we understand their points better. In addition, taking time to understand opens up our partner to more collaboration.

How can you apply this…

The next time you face a problem in your relationship, try setting aside your views and arguments. Look at your partner. Make a real effort to understand his or her point of view. Think about what your partner is arguing for. Why is it important to him or her? One key to solving problems is understanding your partner’s point of view.

To Find Out More…

about couple relationships, check out our FREE resources: The Marriage Garden or the Getting Our Hearts Right programs at, like us on or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also like to read the book How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About.

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