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Learning to speak your partner’s love language

March 30, 2015

A great idea…

In her book, Not “Just Friends,” Shirley P. Glass says, “Most people give what they wish to receive, rather than what the other person really desires. All this time, you may have been giving not what your partner wants, but what you want” (pp. 168-169).

 In other words…

We are each very good at knowing how we want to be loved, and when we want to show love to our partners, we do for our partners what we would like to have done for us. This can be a problem though when what communicates love to us, doesn’t speak in the same way to our partners. We, as well as our partners, can become frustrated if we are speaking different love languages. If we take the time to see what communicates love to our partners, it can greatly improve our relationship.

How can you apply this…

Take time today to learn your partner’s love language. Do they melt with your words of affirmation? Do they beam when you choose to spend time with them? Do they treasure the gifts you give them? Do they appreciate when you lend a hand? Or do they just want to snuggle up next to you?

If you are not sure what your partner’s love language is, notice what they do to try and communicate love to you (even if it’s not your preferred way of receiving love). Ask them what you have done in the past that made them feel loved. Take one of these things and try to work them into your routine. It might feel awkward at first but will become more natural with practice.

 To Find Out More…

about couple relationships, check out our FREE resources: The Marriage Garden or the Getting Our Hearts Right programs at, follow us at or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also like to read The Five Love Languages  book.

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