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Making your relationship a safe place

August 20, 2013

Here’s a great idea…
In their book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, Patricia Love and Steven Stosny say,
“Men see relationship and marriage more as a place to relax than a dynamic interaction. It’s a secure place to get their battery recharged before the world takes another whack at them…What makes it relaxing is the comfort of having his partner in the room or at least in the room next to him. For men, a relationship is a secure base, as long as his partner is nearby….Women also want to feel secure enough to relax in their relationships, but for them, the security comes from interactions with their men. They want to feel emotionally connected so they can relax.” (p. 50)

In other words…
Men and women both want to feel like their marriage is a safe and relaxing haven from the outside world. The problem is that this requires different things from each of them. A man must be willing to be emotionally close to his wife. He must be willing to share with her and to notice her. A woman must be willing to be physically close to her husband. Just hanging out with him, whether you’re participating in the same activity or not, will help him feel secure.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…
Spend a few minutes together to start your day, maybe over breakfast. Then later that day have dinner together, where, without TV or other electronics, you can share your day with each other.  The woman will feel emotionally connected and the man will feel secure because she is there.

To find out more…
about couple relationships, check out The Marriage Garden or the Getting Our Hearts Right program at, like us at or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also like to read How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

  1. August 23, 2013 12:32 am

    Useful information. Hope to observe more good posts down the road.

  2. August 25, 2013 4:50 pm

    Its always good to learn ideas like you talk about for blog posting. Because i just commenced posting remarks for blog and facing problem associated with lots of rejections. I think your suggestion can be helpful for myself. I will let you know if its work with me as well.

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