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Creating harmony from differences

July 15, 2013

Here’s a great idea…
In their book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, Patricia Love and Steven Stosny say,
“In marriage, your separate but equal perspectives form a kind of duet, like a violin and cello playing harmony. The violin doesn’t change its perspective to suit the cello and the cello doesn’t sell out its cellohood for the sake of the violin. What makes the harmony is the differently pitched strings of the two instruments resonating together, while retaining the beauty of their individuality” (p. 124).

In other words…
Often we are perturbed because our partners don’t see things the same way we do. Harmony in marriage is not gained by conforming our feelings, ideas, and opinions to one single view (our view!) of reality. Harmony is gained by recognizing that our differences bring a richness to our lives that we would not have alone.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…
The next time your partner has feelings or opinions that differ from your own, instead of trying to win your partner to your point of view, try something different. Tune into your partner. Listen for feelings and insights that can bring rich harmony to the things you already believe. Think of yourself as the different instruments in a magnificent duet.

To find out more…
about couple relationships, check out The Marriage Garden or the Getting Our Hearts Right program at, like us at or contact your local county Extension agent. You may also like to read How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

  1. July 20, 2013 2:34 pm

    Wednesday night, after my son was asleep and my husband was at work, I drug the book out. Chris and I had experienced a communication break-down that morning, so I figured it was high-time I use the tools already at my disposal to at least try to improve my marriage.

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