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Act your way toward better feelings

May 21, 2013

Here’s a great idea…
In her book, Why Talking is Not Enough, Susan Page says,
“Hoping that your feelings will change or waiting until you feel like changing your behavior is only a way of digging yourself into your unpleasant feelings . . . You will never feel your way into new actions, but you can act your way into new feelings.” p.20

In other words…
Feelings can be tyrants. They can make demands of us and the people in our lives. And sometimes we feel quite powerless to control them. Our faulty conclusion may be that we must simply wait until we feel more generous and kind towards our partners. But, by choosing to act in ways that are consistent with our values, we can create new feelings. For example, even when we are tired and frustrated, we can still choose to have positive and fair discussions.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…
The next time your feelings of irritation start making your decisions for you, take charge. Decide that your values rather than your fleeting feelings will decide your actions.

To Find Out More…
check out The Marriage Garden or Getting Our Hearts Right programs at, like us at contact your local county Extension agent. You might also enjoy reading Why Talking is Not Enough.

One Comment
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