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Don’t rehash the past

April 29, 2013

Here’s a great idea…

After 73 years of marriage, Barbara Cooper has the following to say,

“The most important lesson I can teach you from our happy marriage is that we did not rehash. If something was unpleasant, we got through it, handled the fallout, and did not bring it up again in happy times. . . . We could give all our attention to fixing the problems that came along, because once they were fixed, we could forget about them, which is a very wonderful feeling.”

In other words…

It is common for us to stack current offenses on top of old complaints. We can develop quite a pile over time. One of the principles on which good marriage is founded is forgiveness. Nothing is as stifling as not being able to escape from past mistakes; fortunately, nothing is as liberating as forgiving and being forgiven.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…

The next time you encounter a challenge, do not pile it on top of old irritations and complaints.

Instead, ask yourself, “What can I do to help us work through this immediate problem?”  Rather than dredging up history, stay focused on solutions.

To Find Out More…
check out The Marriage Garden or Getting Our Hearts Right programs at, like us at or contact your local county Extension agent. You might also enjoy reading Susan Page’s Why Talking is Not Enough.

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