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What exactly is romantic love?

December 20, 2012

Here’s a life-changing idea…                                                                                                                          

In his book, Authentic Happiness, Martin Seligman says,

Romantic love is “the idealization of another, idealizing their strengths and virtues and downplaying their shortcomings” (p. 187-188)

In other words…

Sometimes we stop feeling romantic towards our partner simply because we stop focusing on the good things about them. Instead, we start dwelling on their faults, what we don’t like about them.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life…                                                          

This week look for the strengths in your partner. Stop and think about the reasons you first fell in love with them. Try to find at least three good things about your partner this week. Focus on these things instead of the things that make you upset. You may find the romance being rekindled in your marriage.

To find out more…

check out The Marriage Garden program at, like us at or contact your local county Extension agent. You might also enjoy reading Authentic Happiness by Martin E. P. Seligman or The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman.

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