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Fixing the fights

September 29, 2011

A Great Idea …

“A repair attempt is any statement or action intended to keep negativity from escalating out of control. It is an effort to heal the relationship. Repair attempts can come in many forms. It may be something as simple as saying, ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I love you.’ It may be something nonverbal like a hug or a gentle touch of your spouse’s shoulder or back. It could involve a gentle joke at our own expense.” (Professors of Family Life, H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall, in their book, The Marriage Garden pp. 131-132)

In Other Words …

Many arguments with our partners could be diffused if someone would just make the first move to break the tension. This doesn’t mean we have to give in to our partners; it just means deciding that the relationship is more important than winning an argument.

How This Applies to You…

The next time you are swept up in a disagreement with your partner, find a way to make a repair attempt. This won’t be easy. Pride and passion will push you toward conflict. The more you put the relationship above your need to be right, the more your relationship will flourish and thrive.

To Find Out More…

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas) check out the Navigating Life’s Journey blog

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For an excellent book focused on marriage, read The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall or The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.

43 Fixing the Fight – Mar

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