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Loving each child uniquely

April 12, 2011

A Great Idea…

“Those parents who want to be absolutely fair to each child often end up being furious with all their children … Children do not yearn for equal shares of love: They need to be loved uniquely, not uniformly. The emphasis is on quality, not equality.” (Haim Ginott, Child Psychologist, in his book, Between Parent and Child, pp. 160.)

In Other Words…

Ginott told a great story about a little girl who complained that she hadn’t been getting as many presents as her brother. Rather than argue with her perception, her wise mother simply said: “You wonder if I love you as much as him.” Mom grabbed her little girl and hugged her. We can argue with our children about fairness when it is more helpful to reassure them of our love.

How This Applies to You…

Find ways to show each of your children love in ways that are suited to him or her, even though that means doing different things for each child. One child may feel the most loved when you paint a picture with him. Another child may feel loved when she receives a special note from you. Another child may want you to take a walk together. Figure out what says love to each child. Love each of them in their own special way.

To Find Out More…

For an excellent (and free) program on parenting, see The Parenting Journey at and if your children are younger than six, check out See the World Through My Eyes.

For more in-depth reading, we recommend Between Parent and Child by Dr. Haim Ginott or Soft-Spoken Parenting by H. Wallace Goddard.

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