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Where did the magic go?

March 28, 2011

What the Experts Say…

“Early in the relationship, romantic feelings may set our expectations. We assume that a healthy relationship will always be filled with laughter, surprise, and passion. When those feelings diminish (as they always do) or are eclipsed by irritation, we start to wonder if we made a bad choice. Maybe this relationship just doesn’t have the magic. The reality is that romance gets us together but cannot keep us together.” (H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall, professors of family life in their book, The Marriage Garden, p. 11)

In Other Words…

The magic in all relationships will—at one time or another–get buried by frustrations, disappointments, and distractions. This doesn’t mean that the relationship is hopeless. It means that romantic feelings cannot sustain a relationship over time. We need a sturdier worker for that. Research shows that it is companionship that can sustain relationships for a lifetime.

How This Applies to You…

One way you can better cope with the challenges in your relationship is to accept them without letting them become the focus of your attention. When you concentrate on the good things in your partner and your relationship, even after the romance has diminished you will be able to establish a companionship that can withstand the storms of life.

To Find Out More…

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For excellent books focused on marriage, read The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall.or Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.


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