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We need to be friends?

January 28, 2011
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What Experts Say …

“Fondness and admiration can be fragile unless you remain aware of how crucial they are to the friendship that is at the core of any good marriage.  By simply reminding yourself of your spouse’s positive qualities—even as you grapple with each other’s flaws—you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating.” (John Gottman, Ph. D., leading marriage researcher, in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.)

In Other Words …

One of the most important parts of our relationship with our partner is our friendship with them. Even when we are angry with our partner, if we are friends, then we have a much better chance of working through our conflicts. One way to help increase the positive feelings we have towards our partner is to look for the good in them and in what they do actively. When we find something good about our partner, no matter how small and we dwell on it, our positive feelings toward our partner increase. We are then willing to be open with them and thereby deepen our friendship and improve our relationship.

How This Applies to You …

Take time to look for the good things that your partner does. Remember the reasons you fell in love with them in the first place. Try to spend some time just being together enjoying each other’s company. Tell your partner what you appreciate about them.  The more you can build your friendship with your partner, the stronger your relationship will be.

To Find Out More …

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For an excellent book focused on marriage, read Why The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman or The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall.

One Comment
  1. Tammy Williamson permalink
    February 10, 2011 8:41 pm

    Love your daily affirmations – they help alot and have made a huge difference in my life, thanks ;/)

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