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How can I be happy in my relationship again?

January 11, 2011
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What the Experts Say…

“Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.  They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.” (John Gottman, Ph. D., leading marriage researcher, in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)

In Other Words…
The key to finding happiness in a relationship is focusing on the positives in our partner and relationship. When we have problems or frustrations, we can pause and reflect on the good things about our partner and relationship. Keeping a focus on the positive is a key to a strong relationship.

How This Applies to You…

You can do several things to have an emotionally intelligent relationship. You can make a list of great qualities in your partner. Memorize the list. You can stroll through pictures remembering and reliving great moments in your relationship. You can put pictures on your desk to remind you of those good times. You can interrupt negative thoughts and try to understand your partner’s perspective.

To Find Out More…

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For an excellent book focused on marriage, read Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman or The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall.

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